Learning To Be A Dad While Being Called Uncle
8:01 PMUnknown
Being an Uncle is pretty great! I mean, I really love it. I’m basically like the sports highlight or a good movie trailer, you know, all the good stuff. Whether it’s the nephews spending the night or wrestling on the bed, or just being silly; I get to be the one that brings smiles without the worry of all the other things that are involved in parenting. However, as much as I love the time with my nieces, nephews and other children; willing to place my life in harm’s way for their safety and well-being, none of them call me Dad. As a Youth Pastor I have been given the amazing privilege to invest in the lives of Students. Walking with them through life’s good, bad and uglies has been a special blessing to me. However, as much as I love them and they love me, none of them call me dad either. I have honestly been surrounded by kids all my life and yet even with all the joy they bring me, dad is not the position that I hold in their lives. Sure people call me “Dad in training” or “substitute dad” and I know they mean well but it’s never authentic.
In recent years I have begun to wonder if that
name would ever be attached to me. Finding myself part of a circle of family
and friends, who all had club memberships with picture ID’s of their kids’
faces on them; as I watched as every
other sibling in my family had children of their own. It was exhausting at
times. For a long time it all felt awkward, always on the outside looking in. I truly believe God was using these events to speak to me
about His time table and my need for growth because something specific was
under way.
I am an emotional guy to a
fault; I blame my mom for that wonderful trait. Those emotions started taking a
front row seat every time a scene from a T.V show or movie would involve a Dad
and his daughter or son. I found myself shielding my eyes and putting on the
tough guy exterior to mask how it moved me. In a way I felt left out, I felt
like I was missing out. There was an obvious emptiness that was attached to
this kind of relationship and it seems to be building. I have prayed that God
would provide us with a child but it never seemed to materialize. So, I would
pass it off as a blessing instead of curse but coming to grips with the
possibility that I may never have any natural children of my own was tough. To
think that I may never get to witness a child that looks like me, with my DNA. That
was a hard realization, a disappointment that such a moment may not be allotted
to me.
So I began to seek God in the matter. I needed the right heart and
understanding about where all this was leading. I honestly needed answers in the worst way but I also needed to be open to whatever God may be planing because I didn’t want to miss it. God
dealt with me on many levels. I began to see that all my nieces and nephews
were part of my growth process. All the work with students through church and
youth camps was part of my development as a person. It was my training ground.
Not everyone gets that kind of opportunity but God has graciously and lovingly
walked with me through it. I saw in those moments the dad I could become. I
discovered that the power of relationship is not always found in DNA but in
genuine love and care for someone in need. This is where my adoption journey
has begun because the very heart beat of adoption is centered around loving someone unconditionally. So I am nervous. I am
expectant but I am also delighted that the journey God has Kim and I on is
ready to set sail. It is full of purpose and I pray that God will continue to
teach me about who He is and where I fit in this mission of adoption.
1 comments
This is beautiful son. There is a child out there that needs a special Dad and God will bring you together. I know it. Be definite in prayer. It's already answered. Baby is on the way. & I will spoil him/her rotten! Your Uncle Ken is a great example. He loves his girls more than anything (except Becky of course)
ReplyDelete