Bad days every now and then.

10:30 PMKimberly Hartmann

Work was stressful today. I was fighting to keep myself planted in my chair and not just leaving early. I needed some quiet time and pretty stuff to look at. So I texted my husband that I wasn't coming home right away and headed to Hobby Lobby. No joke, this is my "Target". I will walk every. single. aisle. in that place. I wallowed in the fall seasonal section, completed avoided Christmas town, and headed to my fave section, the wall decor. Specifically the kid section. This is my dream space. Picturing all the items I like on display in our nursery nook and what saying means the most and the color scheme.... love it. But not today. Oh, I did my browsing and dreaming, and then the emotion pit tried to open up and swallow me whole. Friends, that craving for motherhood and the struggle of the wait( and stupid PMS) let the hurt right in. I felt it heavy. As the tears started to well up I took this picture and got out of dodge. Sometimes it's like this. Rarely, but sometimes. It's not a jealousy feeling or doubt that it will happen for us or anger that it hasn't happened yet. It's an empty weight, a heaviness, knowing something is not complete yet. I felt it full today and just wanted you all to know that it's ok to feel that too. I know I'm not the only one in this boat and I know that one day I will look back on this moment as a mother and remember the journey and how it was worth it all. But I had a hard time seeing that today. This was just a "low" day and that's what I will chalk it up to. Thanks for sticking around and reading my mess. It's time for this chick to go to bed. Tomorrow is a new day!

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